It sucks when going to sleep is the choice that you feel you have to pick when you don't want to deal with shit.
My tooth is fucking killing me, which I think i'm hiding quite well. I cleaned the house last night so that today I could do nothing but lay around and feel sorry for myself. The plan quickly changed when I went to the bathroom and came out to find my child covered in pink fingernail polish and a bottle of benadryl dumped in the floor. I panicked, called Sudzy, called poison control, and then took Dexter to the ER. We sat around for about three and a half hours, him bouncing off the wall the entire time, until they decided we could go home. About an hour into it I was convinced he hadn't taken any, but it was better to be on the safe side. At least we had a good time hanging out somewhere other than the living room.
Shawn came to the hospital and a little before Dexter was discharged and we didn't really talk. I tried to get him to go to the bathroom with us because Dexter had been using the potty (I was really excited about it) and I guess he was having too much fun on his Ipod. We went to McDonalds, got food and then came home. I've been noticing a lot lately that my reward for speaking is a smart-assed comment.... and normally if I say something i'm wrong.
I didn't want this to be one of those "Oh no! My boyfriend and I are fighting!" entries, but no one reads this so why do I even give a fuck?
Anyway, I just hate that it's like this between us now. I love him so much... I do. I wont ever leave him because I know he's so perfect for me in so many ways and exactly what I needed and was looking for when we got together. I knew he was an asshole, it was part of his charm, he just wasn't an asshole to me. He says he was.... maybe it's true and i was just so happy and in love that I overlooked it, but it sure as hell seems like he does it constantly now.
I just want him to be sweet. He was the sweetest man i'd ever met when we were together. I felt so pretty and confident then and nothing could have gotten me down. He'd call me and we'd have conversations that lasted all night and he'd tell me how much he loved me.. and why. He'd make me presents when I wasn't around and show up at my work with iced coffee. I just miss things like that.
I don't know though... maybe it was just the drugs.....
